My Friend Jane

It is a beautiful and peaceful day. I am relaxing at home, reminiscing on all the good things that life has given me. I am a lucky girl, I know that. In the midst of my joyful thoughts, I hear a knock on the door. Who would it be? I have no idea. I open the door and there is a young girl standing there, smiling at me. “ Hi, I am Jane! Do you remember me?” Hm, she looks familiar, like I have seen her before but I can’t really place her. 

“Can I come in? We are friends, remember?” Before I take a breath to answer her, she walks into the house and makes herself comfortable on the couch in the living room. 

“Sit!” she taps the cushion next to her, prompting me to sit down. As far as I remember, this is my house and I should be the one offering her a seat, but I am so speechless and stunned that all I do is quietly sit down next to her. She looks at me again, her smile bigger than ever and says: “ Let’s be friends again, ok?” Her presence makes me slightly uncomfortable, and the air around me becomes mildly suffocating. I don’t want to be rude though so we watch a show together and then she leaves. I take a deep breath. I hope she will not come back again.

I almost breathe a sigh of relief as I don’t hear from Jane for several days. But then there is the knock on the door again. “What’s up, girl? Miss me yet?” I nod and step aside for Jane to walk in. “Moooom,” I hear my daughter from her room. “Will you be able to take me out for some ice cream, like you promised?” I smile, about to answer her. But Jane jumps in, frowns, and spits out: “Your mom is hanging out with me today!” 

Jane and I spend another day together and by the time she leaves, I am worn out. She takes my energy away.  I am exhausted and all I can do is to drag myself to bed, close my eyes, and let the merciful sleep take me. 

Two days later, Jane is back and the next day she is back again. Her visits become more frequent and every time she comes, I let her take over. I don’t know why I am so weak around her. I want her to go away once and for all but I don’t know how to tell her to stop coming to my house! She is obsessive and possessive. She wants all of my time and attention. Sometimes she creeps in behind me and scares me, other times, she gives me a big tight hug, squeezes, and won’t let go. She doesn’t like for me to have any other friends but her, she is jealous of my children and my husband. What do I do now? How do I get away from her? What have I gotten myself into? I try to gently remind her that I need some space and maybe we need to take a break from our friendship. I am tired and I go lay down. “Ok. I will leave then. I hope you don’t regret it,” she says.  No, I won’t, I am sure of that. Just go, please. I lay my head on my squishy feather pillow and I feel all the energy and strength flowing back into my body. I love this feeling, I can live again, I have hope because life is so beautiful after all. Life without Jane. 

Then I hear it. Quiet footsteps. A creak of the bedroom door. Terrifying, awful dread is spreading through my body and I panic. She is back. I see that familiar smile as her face peeks through the door and chills cover my body. Panic overwhelms me. No, no, no, no!!! “You thought you could get rid of me?” Her laughter sends terror through my bones. “Please, leave me alone Jane. Enough is enough,” I say. “Never,” she whispers into my ear. She slowly walks up to my bed, a hint of a sneaky smile on her face now. Her hands reach toward me, her fingers wrap around my neck, the grip is getting tighter and tighter. I gasp for breath, but there is not enough air in my lungs. I want to scream but no sound escapes my lips. Suddenly, she lets go of my neck, runs, and slams the front door behind her. Her cruel laughter echoes in my brain. I break down crying and can’t stop, still gasping for air. I miserably try to stop my tears. If I don’t stop crying, Jane will feel my weakness wherever she is and she will come back to indulge herself in my fragile state again. 

The next day, I decide to be proactive and go to the police. I file a restraining order. “You will be alright, ma’am,’ a nice police officer reassures me. But no, I am not alright. Jane is still around. She waits for me in the car, she is in the store, she is behind a corner, she is under my bed, she is everywhere. She is a nightmare I cannot get rid of. I am hopeless. I go back to the police station. “Ma’am, I am so sorry, but there is nothing we can do until you are seriously hurt,” I am informed by the same police officer. Now I am being stalked on a daily basis and there is nothing I can do about it.

Life goes on and nothing has changed. Nothing at all. I am abused, stalked, kicked, slapped, and harassed by Jane on a daily basis. Then one day I find a note on my desk: “Hey girl, it’s time for me to confess. My name is not Jane. My name is Pain, full name Chronic Pain. I will be here whether you like it or not. Forever. With you. I can make your life hell or we can be friends. BFFs. What do you say?”