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61. November 2, 2025
It is 8am and I stumble out of my bed. It is Sunday morning and I have to get ready for church. I have been a church pianist at a presbyterian church for 7 and a half years now, ever since we moved to Texas. I am sleepy and tired. I barely slept last night. Maybe 2 or 3 hours max. This happens to me nearly every Saturday night. I work myself up with my crippling performance anxiety and then I cannot sleep. It doesn’t make any sense. The older I get, the worse it is. Why? I do
Jarka Woody
Nov 4, 20255 min read
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TRAIN OF THOUGHT
61. November 2, 2025
It is 8am and I stumble out of my bed. It is Sunday morning and I have to get ready for church. I have been a church pianist at a presbyterian church for 7 and a half years now, ever since we moved to Texas. I am sleepy and tired. I barely slept last night. Maybe 2 or 3 hours max. This happens to me nearly every Saturday night. I work myself up with my crippling performance anxiety and then I cannot sleep. It doesn’t make any sense. The older I get, the worse it is. Why? I do
Nov 4, 20255 min read
60. (Which) Mr & Mrs
I have lived with the Woodys for a while now. They are kind people and they seem to be ok with my constant presence. However, I still yearn for independence. I am an adult and I need to take care of myself. I am so done depending on others for everything. I do have my library job and I add another job as a dining hall dishwasher to my resume. It’s still on campus and I am still making just the minimum wage. But by combining both of my jobs, I work around 30 hours per week and
Nov 3, 20258 min read
59. A curfew, a hearing aid, and a cop
I get a job at the school library and I love every minute of it. I make minimum wage which is $5.15 per hour but I don’t care. It’s money. For the first time ever, I am able to make money on my own. I am not allowed to work off campus with my current student visa status. That would require another permit from the Immigration office. A work permit which I don’t have yet. One step at a time. Besides, I love my little library job. I get to know many people, students and professo
Nov 1, 20257 min read
58. Almost normal
It’s December and my first semester at NGCSU is pretty much over. I have been staying with Dr. Jones’ family for several weeks, while he has actively been looking for a place for me to live. Dr. Jones and his wife have 5 children, ranging from 5 to 14 years old. They are squeezed into a very small modest house but they happily make room for me too. They are sweet and kind to me. But mainly, I am not hungry anymore. Mrs. Jones is a stay at home mom and she homeschools her chil
Oct 31, 20257 min read
57. An unexpected intervention
I am a size double zero. One of my international friends takes me clothes shopping at the outlet mall because I need performance clothes for music recitals. I try several dresses and skirts on and I am drowning in all of them. I cannot find anything that fits me until I grab a skirt with a size 00. I can probably make this one work. With a belt. It is nearly the end of my first semester. It looks like I will be making straight As in all of my classes. Except one. American h
Oct 30, 20258 min read
56. A big 'F'ail
By the end of the week, we have our first American history quiz. It’s a multiple choice test. I am reading through all the answer choices and I feel lost. They don’t make sense to me. All options look very similar, with only a couple of words changed here and there. After a few minutes, I am desperate. I don’t know the answers. At all. And I studied hard. I read my textbook, all 50 assigned pages, several times. I read it in between my classes, in the library, and in the midd
Oct 29, 20257 min read
55. Hungry games
I wait by the large tree for 90 minutes. I finally see Mary’s truck, frantically making its way around the marching field. I stand up so she can see me. She barely stops her car and motions me to get in. I jump in and she quickly takes off. “Sorry, I couldn’t get here faster,” she looks stressed out. Stress is literally oozing out of her skin, out of her pores, out of her being. It makes the energy between the two of us tense and I feel uncomfortable. She doesn’t speak and I
Oct 27, 20256 min read
ABOUT ME
My name is Jarka Woody Pederson, although for this blog I just want to be called Plain Jane. Reading and writing is my therapy and this blog is to compile all of my thoughts in one place.
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