58. Almost normal

It’s December and my first semester at NGCSU is pretty much over. I have been staying with Dr. Jones’ family for several weeks, while he has actively been looking for a place for me to live. Dr. Jones and his wife have 5 children, ranging from 5 to 14 years old. They are squeezed into a very small modest house but they happily make room for me too. They are sweet and kind to me. But mainly, I am not hungry anymore. Mrs. Jones is a stay at home mom and she homeschools her children. She makes home cooked meals and she even made brownies, just like Silvia. I eat with the family and I am treated like a human being. Their equal. 

It is now a winter break from school and Dr. Jones and his family are traveling to Tennessee for the holidays. They leave their house for me to stay in while they are gone. There is plenty of food to last me several days. I am stocked with lots of piano books to practice. They have a grand piano and it pretty much takes up their entire living room. I also have books to read. I decide to read Brahm’s and then Tchaikovsky’s biography. It is Christmas Eve and then Christmas day. I am alone. Another Christmas without my family. Two years ago, I was in England, babysitting for the Indian family. Last year I was in New Jersey, and now, I am in Georgia. By myself, in my professor’s house. I pretend it’s not Christmas. Just a regular day like any other. But it is Christmas. It’s nearly year 2000 and I will be 22 years old in January. I will be ok, I convince myself, I am capable of spending another Christmas by myself. I am a big girl, a grown up; I am an adult. I call my mother and we talk for an hour. I was able to finally find calling cards that give me 20 minutes for calls to Slovakia. I spend three cards talking to my mom today but it’s worth it. 

It is getting dark outside but I don’t turn the lights on. I keep sitting on the couch, absorbing the silence, and reflecting on everything that has happened in my life so far. I wonder if I ever will be able to fit in, take care of myself, and not depend on others. I wonder if my life will keep bouncing me from place to place, from state to state, from house to house, from one stranger to another. I wonder if stability is in my future. I wonder if family is in my future. I have been in the country for a year now. After 8 months, I learned English and started college. I am finishing my first semester. Maybe I should be proud of myself. Maybe I should give myself credit for making it this far. I should, right? 

As I am pondering my fate, a beam of light penetrates the darkness and shines at me through the house windows. Dr. Jones’ house stands on its own, with no immediate neighbors to the right or to the left. Now it seems that someone just drove up and parked in Dr. Jone’s driveway. Is Dr. Jones back early? Maybe he is back to check on me? 

Then I hear a knock on the door and my stomach jumps. I don’t answer it because I am scared. 

“Open up, Jarka! It’s me! John!”

Relief floods my body immediately. I open the door and there is John, waiting impatiently, his teeth chattering in the cold.

“I knew you were alone. We are having a Christmas party at my parents’ house and mom wanted to see if you’d join us. It’s a little loud. Our family is wild and crazy but we don’t want you to be alone.”

I smile at him. He has a good heart. And his family cares. 

“There is lots of food too!” He informs me while I am putting my jacket on, ready to go.

I can hear the joyful noise all the way outside. There are multiple cars parked in the driveway and the house is literally buzzing with activity. The sound only intensifies as I walk into the house. There are people sitting around a large table in the kitchen and there are many children talking, laughing, walking, or running around. They are excited, opening their presents. The entire family is here. John is the youngest of six and his older five siblings are all here. Their spouses and children too. At least 10 children, I am estimating. This makes it for a busy buzzy family. I can barely hear my voice but John’s mom welcomes me and asks me to make myself comfortable. I admit I am a little overwhelmed because I am not used to all this commotion. I only have one brother after all and not a big family. Me, piano, and my father represented most of my childhood. Soon, I get sucked into their joyfulness and holiday energy and I instantly become one of them. No questions asked. They take me in as if I have been here, celebrating with them for years. Slowly, I learn everyone’s names and they ask me about my background. It doesn’t take long and I find myself at the piano, playing Christmas carols with John and his mom singing. I am smiling, laughing, and enjoying myself. What a rare carefree moment. I almost forgot what this feels like. I yearn to belong and they take me in.

Dr. Jones and his family return home a few days after Christmas and Dr. Jones has big news for me. He found me a place to stay. It’s an 83 year old lady and she lives by herself. She agreed to take me in and offer a room for me to stay in. There are no services I have to provide and no requirements for me in exchange for room and board. I don’t have to babysit anyone and I don’t have to clean or do anything like that. The best part is that her house is within walking distance from college. I don’t need to depend on anyone for transportation either. The old lady, Miriam, has already asked what I liked to eat and stocked up on groceries for me. This sounds exciting and promising. 

Dr. Jones takes me to Miriam’s house the very next day. She welcomes me with her open, shaky, wrinkly, arms. She is a teeny tiny lady, short and small. She has fiery red hair and I can tell her hair matches her personality. She shows us around and then leads me to my room. She is sweet but stern. From the very first moment, she lets me know her expectations, including my 11pm curfew. I respect that, of course. I know she is set in her ways and she is going out of her routine to let me stay with her. I already appreciate her very much.

Miriam has an old yellow Cadillac and as soon as I settle down, she takes me to Walmart to stock up on toiletries or anything else I may need. She is so very tiny that she is barely visible in her gigantic car, sitting behind the gigantic stirring wheel. It almost looks like the car is driving itself. Slowly. Slowly driving itself. Mirian doesn’t go faster than 35 mph. This earns her lots of angry looks and honking cars behind us. The best part is that Mirian doesn’t care. She is completely oblivious to all the noise. She doesn’t even notice it. It turns out that she likes to take her hearing aid out, to make sure the outside world doesn’t bother her. She lives her life according to herself and I love that. 

Walking to school turns out to be very convenient. I come and go as I please. I can even go home and rest between my classes. In the end, I don’t spend much time with Miriam after all, because I spend it with John and the Woodys. I am still mindful of my 11 pm curfew and I make it home exactly at 11:00pm every night. I know I can’t be late because Miriam is taking her hearing aid out and then good luck to me getting into the house. I don’t dare to push the boundaries.

Spring semester is here and I work with Ben more frequently as well. He is helping me to get my Social Security Number. We make several visits to the Social Security Administration office. More often than not, we end up missing a specific document or a form and have to come back again. The office is about 30 minutes from college and the wait is always several hours long. Through these trips, Benjamin and I get to know each other a lot better and we become friends. He is only 9 years older than me anyway. Oh, and yes, he is single. I can sense that there is an unspoken attraction, a certain spark between the two of us. Or maybe I am just making it up. Probably not. This doesn’t matter, however, because I am with John. Also, a relationship between a student and a counselor would not be appropriate. We leave it at smiles and flirtatious looks or comments here and there. 

Ben and I simultaneously work on adjusting my visa status from the J-1 au pair visa to F-1 student visa. This does not require any office visits but a paperwork package that needs to be submitted to the immigration office. By the end of my freshman year, I am almost set with my new SSN and my new visa status. Thanks to Benjamin. Now I can work on campus and make my own money. Almost like a normal person. Almost.