23. You are going....Where? How? When? Why?

My mother and Joseph are ecstatic about my relationship with Peter. They have been very opinionated and very intense in their ideas about who I should or should not be dating. They don’t approve of actors or radio guys. But they are ok with medical students! My mother and Joseph are now openly together, there is no more hiding. Joseph moves in with us and he is a part of our family. He does take on a fatherly role with me and my brother and he doesn’t hold his opinions back at all.

“Jarka, you need to stick with Peter. He is a smart guy from a great family. He speaks English fluently and he is going to be a doctor! Do not break up with him. You are lucky you found him.” Joseph tells me often. 

“Sure, I will do my best,” I promise them and for the most part I mean it. 

Peter is a very nice person and he treats me well. He is very respectful and kind. We have been dating for several months now, which pleases not only my mother and Joseph, but also his sister Emily. I do like him but my feelings never surpass the “liking” part. It is nothing like being around Matt or Finnley. Not even close. But I am staying with Peter because it is the right decision. He is a good person and everyone approves. Maybe I will learn to love him more with time. And right now I don’t need any complications in my life. Being with Peter is easy.

“Peter is very excited to attend your piano concert!” Emily is beaming at me a few days before my recital. “This is like a big deal! He will get to meet your mother and Joseph and everything!” 

I nod because she is right, it is a big deal. I haven’t invited my father and I hope he will not find out about it. 

Thankfully, my concert goes well. My father doesn’t show up and I play well. I am pleased with my performance. Peter is there, he is very charming, and my mother and Joseph are pleased too. My grumpy grandma and my brother attend as well and that makes me very happy. My graduation from a 6 year Music Conservatory is a few weeks later and while I am sad to say goodbyes to my long time friends, I am relieved. My piano journey is over. I can quit now. I am an adult and I can make my own choices. Even though I am not sure what I will do or where I will go just yet, I have time to decide. I am still looking at the au-pair brochures and I’ve narrowed my choices down to Belgium and England. I feel like I am somewhat familiar with England already and Belgium just seems so friendly for some reason. 

My mother doesn’t know that I still want to leave the country. Every time I mention something to her, she dismisses it, thinking I am not serious. 

For now, I have secured an apartment with my friend Eve and I will be moving to Kosice in the fall. Peter still goes to school here and I don’t want to move back home. I may find a part time job first and then decide where to go from there. 

To be honest, I do have a plan B as well. Just in case my original plan to live in another country doesn’t work out. Peter and I talk about mental illness a lot and I read his medical textbooks. I think I would like to be a psychiatrist. If for any reason I must live in Slovakia, I will quit piano and try to get accepted to medical school. This sounds like a reasonable plan I can live with for now. 

It is summer time. Emily and I are new graduates and Peter is on a break from school. While I live close to Kosice, Peter and Emily live about 5 hours away, in the central part of Slovakia. Their parents agree for me to visit and stay in their apartment for two weeks over the summer break. 

When I arrive, Peter takes me out to dinner. He says he has something important he wants to talk to me about. I haven’t seen him in a while and I don’t know what’s going on, even though we talk on the phone a lot while being apart. 

“So…I want to tell you about something……,” he takes a deep breath and coughs. Then he quiets down.

“Say it, Peter!” I urge him without patience.

“Uhm…Ok. Sure. You remember….I told you I was an exchange student in the US when I was in high school, right?”

Yes, I nod, I do remember. Peter studied in America for a year. He lived with a family in Georgia. Sylvia and Tim, I heard about them a lot from Emily. They have four grown children. Sylvia is a stay at home mother and wife and out of boredom she took a job as a foreign exchange student coordinator. She came across Peter’s application and was unable to find him a family to live with. So she and Tim took him in. Peter lived with them and the entire family loved him. 

“I have been in touch with Tim.” Peter informs me. 

“He invited me to come to the US and live with them again,” he continues. “I will try to get into medical school once I am there. I already know English, I already know the culture, and I think I want to live there permanently.” He pauses and lets me process this information. 

“W..wait…w…what?” Suddenly I can’t form words. Peter has never mentioned anything about his desire to move to another country before.

“I can work at Tim’s furniture store while I go to school,” Peter’s eyes are searching for mine but I feel like I can’t look at him right now. So he takes another breath and keeps talking. 

“Sylvia helped me with the application process. Unfortunately, the school will not accept any of my classes or credits from Slovakia. I’d have to start over. Actually, I’d have to complete all American pre-med requirements first before even applying to medical school. It’s a long road ahead of me but it will be worth it.” 

Peter is calm, explaining his new exciting prospects for the future. His face is serious but I can see the spark in his eyes and I sense how much he wants to do this even though he has never talked about it to me before.

“Why……why didn’t you tell me this????” 

I don’t understand. I thought we had a trusting relationship where we tell each other everything. Even despite my initial reluctance to date Peter, he is now a very important part of my life. I like talking to him, I like to know his opinions, and I tell him everything before telling anyone else. I thought he was a guy I could trust.  It makes everyone so happy that we are dating, and now he does THIS behind my back? 

Yes, sure, I have also been wanting to leave the country so perhaps I am a hypocrite. But…..but….I feel so blindsided. All of these thoughts are swirling inside my head but Peter interrupts them with another shocking statement.

“It looks like I will be able to start pre-med in the fall.”

“Huh,” I manage. “You mean in September or October?”

“No, the fall semester starts on August 15th. I already got accepted to the pre-med program in Cleveland. It’s a small college in a little town in Tennessee. It’s about a 45 minute drive to Dalton in Georgia. That’s where Sylvia and Tim live. That’s where their furniture store is too. I will be in the dorms during the week and will work at the store on the weekends. The whole thing is expensive but…..uhm….” he lowers his eyes. “I will be leaving next week” 

Once he starts talking about his well-thought out plan, he cannot shut up. I want him to shut up! Just be quiet Peter, ugh, you are going to America. And I will stay in Slovakia…WHAT? It’s the end of July…..and Peter is leaving to study in America next week! And……I am staying here….

“Oh my God, Peter, and where will you get money from to pay for all this? And what about me? I stay here? You leave me here????” A new wave of panic descends upon me.

His eyes are sad but I know nothing will stop him. He is going. He is leaving. No matter what. Girlfriend? Oh well, too bad.

“Calm down, Jarka. Tim and Sylvia are very wealthy. Millionaires. They do some real estate too, not just the furniture store. They offered to pay for all my schooling and living expenses.” he coughs uncomfortably. “I told Tim that I will consider this to be a loan and once I am a doctor I will repay him.”

The bombs keep coming at me. I can barely process one shocking information and another one flies straight into my face. 

“You will take all that money from them? Just like that?” I am so upset.

“No, no, no! You don’t understand! Doctors in America make a hundred, two hundred, three hundred thousand dollars every year! I will pay it back!” His eyebrows shoot up as he is trying to plead his case with me. 

“Sure, ok, great. You have this amazing opportunity now. I get it. Who wouldn’t take this chance? It’s life changing!! Isn’t it? So……how about me? Am I a part of your plan…..do I fit into your new life…..anywehre?” 

I almost never get angry. But now I am upset. Over his selfishness and over his secrecy. At the same time, I understand him. How could I not? If our situations were reversed, I would be packing my bags and I would be gone in a second! But this is not fair. Because I am envious. I would do anything to be in his place.

“Jarka……we will figure it out, ok?” he says quietly.

“Peter,” I match the volume of his voice now. “We have one week, what can we really figure out?”