24. Off he goes....to the big world

I eventually calm down. The shock is wearing off and I am adjusting to the new information I was just given. I realize I cannot blame Peter for going after his dreams, even though this situation is not something I would have ever predicted. 

We stay up late and talk for a long long time. We are trying to come up with a plan on how I could come to the US and be with Peter. We both know that it is a nearly impossible task. And even if it was possible, it’d be a lengthy process. 

“All we need to do is to figure out how to get you into the country. I am sure there are ways to stay after you get there,” he speculates.

“The only way I know how to get to the US is through the au-pair agency. But I don’t know the language. And I don’t have a driver’s licence. That is going to take forever!” I am not optimistic about this. “I am sure there is more. I threw all of the US brochures away!”

“I have faith in you, I know you can do it. I will wait for you no matter how long it takes,” Peter promises. “Once you get there, we can get married and have a baby. That baby will automatically be an American citizen. Then we can be citizens too. What do you think?”

“I don’t know, Peter,” I say. I am not ready for marriage and children just yet. 

“You realize this may not work out at all. I may not make it to the US in the first place. What then? Will you come back?” I am genuinely curious to know what his answer would be….

….I thought so. He is looking at me for a long time but doesn’t respond. His silence is worth all the words. I am certain  that he will leave and study in America whether I figure out how to get there on my own or not. With me or without me. I am not that naive.

Vienna

I am still with Peter when he says goodbyes to his parents. His mother is crying and wiping her red eyes with a tissue. His father is solemn and very serious. 

“Please, call us, son, as soon as you are able to.” They both know that it will be a while before they all see each other again. 

Emily and I get on the bus along with Peter. We are going to the capital of Slovakia, Bratislava, first and then the three of us are taking another bus to cross the border to Vienna in Austria. Peter is taking a flight from the airport in Vienna and flying straight to New York. From New York, he will go to Atlanta where Tim and Sylvia will wait for him.

As we sit at the border between Slovakia and Austria, I look at Peter and realize I may never see him again. This may be our final goodbye. He will never come back to Slovakia and I may never make it to America. I may go to England or Belgium instead and our paths will go separate ways. I have tears in my eyes and I see that Emily is tearing up too. Once we are in Vienna, we make our goodbyes quick. Emily and I have to catch a bus to go back home. We both cry and spend our time on the bus in silence. 

After Peter leaves, I am not in the mood to hang out with his family anymore, so I get on a train back to Presov. I tell my mother I want to talk to her. She already knows that Peter is gone. I kept her updated with all the news over the phone.

“How are you feeling, Jarka?” she asks me with concern when I finally arrive home.

“Sad,” I answer.

We sit in silence for a few minutes.

“Mom,” I speak up first.

“What would you think if I moved to America?” I ask carefully.

“You surely are not serious, are you?” she laughs.

“Mom, listen.  I am 100% serious. I don’t know if it will ever work out. The requirements are difficult. But I am going to the agency tomorrow and talk to them. I am going to find out exactly what I need to do and if it’s possible.”

She is looking at me in disbelief. Then a tear glistens in her eye. 

“I can’t believe Peter. It’s him! He gave you this idea.” Tears are streaming down her face now.

“Mom, don’t cry. Please! You know I wanted to leave Slovakia anyway. I’d be going to England instead! I’d be leaving anyway.” 

I am looking at her face which is now displaying all this new unexpected grief. I know that at this moment she is taking me seriously. She finally believes me. She feels the gravity of my decision.

“Yes, Jarka, but America is not England. From England you can come home any time. It’s not the same. America is across the world. It’s across the ocean. Once you go, you are not coming back. I know it.” 

Her face contorts into ugly cry and she leaves the room.

The very next day I take the train to Kosice and I have an appointment with the au-pair agency coordinator. 

“Can you please tell me about the au-pair program requirements in the US? I saw your brochure and it looks almost impossible but I wanted to talk to someone first. I want to make sure I do everything correctly if I decide to go.”

“Sure, no problem, Jarka. We can go over everything together. Please, sit down” The agency woman smiles at me and points at the empty chair in her office. She is being very nice to me. She has a very pleasant voice too. She looks like she knows what she is doing and I decide to trust her.

“First, tell me Jarka, do you speak English?” She looks me straight in the eyes.

“Uhm,” I cough and look down, not able to meet her gaze. “Yes,” I say quietly. 

I am sure she can tell I am lying. But I can’t admit I don’t speak English. I don’t want her to send me away. I don’t want this to be over before it even started.

“Very well then. Because that is the most important requirement. American families need babysitters that can already speak the language. Those Americans are very demanding. If you go to England or any other country, they are way more lenient. But America is serious.”

I nod. She studies my face in silence. Then she picks up a brochure and some papers off the table.

“Here is the application. You fill that out first. And here is a list of everything you will need to do to get accepted into the program” she points at one of her papers.

“You need a portfolio. It’d be best if you had some pictures in it. Pictures of yourself, your family, and preferably pictures with children. So they can see you like children and have experience with them.” She pauses and looks at me.

“I can do that.” I nod in agreement.

“Good.” Then she continues. “You will need 15,000 Slovakian crowns which is the agency fee. This fee will allow us to send the portfolio to our American partner and they can then match you up with a family. They will actually present it to several American families and hopefully, one of them will choose you. This fee will also let us secure a plane ticket for you. You don’t have to pay for that. We get discounted rates for this program.”

She pauses again, checking for my reaction. I swallow....15,000 crowns. I have exactly…..zero. 15,000 is a lot of money. I have none.

“Does that sound good, Jarka?” she asks with a smile.

“Mhmm,” I answer.

“Ok! So then you also need to have a driver’s license. Do you have one?” 

I shake my head, no, I don’t have one.

“This is another requirement just for America. You wouldn’t need a driver’s license if you traveled within Europe. But in the US, they don’t use public transportation very much. You will need to drive the kids around. To school and all after school activities. Of course, if you match with a family that has babies or toddlers, you will probably be staying home with them for the most part. But we don’t know that yet. In either case, a driver's license is something you have to have.”

“Ok,” I say. I feel very discouraged right now.

“Now….you probably need to bring some extra cash with you too. The conversion rate right now is 50 Slovakian crowns to buy $1. You should bring at least $500 but you do whatever you can” 

I nearly faint. I don’t have all this money. I just graduated from high school. My mother doesn’t have this much money either. The agency woman sees the expression on my face and quickly adds.

“You know, you will get paid weekly. The family will pay you $140 per week. You will have a place to live. You will get to be in the US. All it requires is to do some light housework, a little bit of cooking, and watching some kids. Not too bad, right?”

“Sure,” I respond. Super easy. Sure. 

“Great! Do you have any questions?” But she doesn’t wait for me to answer and continues. 

“What will happen now is this. You fill out this application and sign it right now. Then you go home, get your portfolio ready and send it to me. You get a drivers license. When you have it, you come back and we do a little English test. Just a little conversation in English, nothing too difficult. After that I will collect our agency fee. We will send your portfolio to the US and we will wait to get you matched. Once a family chooses you, they will call you. We will buy you a plane ticket and you will be ready to go. You will fly to New York first and attend an orientation for au-pairs. It will be girls from all around the world. This will be a week-long orientation. And then you will be ready to go to your family.” She is smiling big now.

“Uhm, so how long does this entire process take?” I finally have a question to ask. “And do you have any families in Cleveland?”

“It depends on you how long it takes! Get all of your requirements ready. After that, it could be a few weeks or it could be months! And we will do our best to match you as close to your desired location as possible,” her face is reassuring. 

After my meeting with the agency, I feel very overwhelmed. Maybe I could just forget Peter and forget America. That would be the easiest thing to do, I suppose. I could stick to my original plan and go to England. Stay in Europe…..

Ugh, Peter Shmeter! 

I am no worse than him, I am no less than Peter! Does he think he is special or something? If he can go to America, I can go to America! 

And somehow I am determined that I will get there. I will close the door to Slovakia, close the door to my childhood, to piano, to my father….I will shut the door to my past. And I will start over. In America.