25. This has to stop!

Her tears are flowing. It’s been hours and her eyes are red and puffy. When she finally stops tearing up, her face remains serious, solemn.  

“Mom….please, don’t cry. I will be ok.” I plead with her.

“You made up your mind? There is nothing at all that would change it?” She asks me while she rubs her red raw nose with a tissue.

“Mom, you know this may not even work out. Or it may take months! A year! But yes, I made up my mind. I am so sorry.”

“I can’t believe Peter would give you these ideas. I really liked him but I don’t anymore. I am so disappointed! He is stealing you from me.” She is sniffing again.

“No, mom. He didn’t give me any ideas. I always wanted to leave. I would go even if there was no Peter. I’ve been telling you this,” I patiently explain. I feel bad for causing her so much pain.

“Yes, but you were not serious!” A big fat tear rolls down her face.

A few days later, both my mother and Joseph sit down with me and they are both serious. My mother’s eyes are still swollen. 

“So Jarka,” Joseph starts. “Please, tell us about your plans. I hear you want to go to the US. Your mom and I would like to know how you are going to accomplish this.” My mother is nodding while Joseph is giving her reassuring looks.

I take a deep breath. “Well, I am moving to Kosice with Eve in a few weeks. That hasn’t changed. I do have two part time piano accompanist jobs secured to start in September. I will save money as long as it takes to pay my agency fees and I will save for my driver’s license. I will study English even more. I have already filled out my application with the agency,” I explain.

Joseph is nodding. “Good, good, sounds like you know what you are doing.” He looks at my mother again as she is trying her hardest not to burst into tears again.

“And how much do your jobs pay?” He insists on the details, sigh.

“About 2,000 crowns per month, maybe a little more,” I answer, wishing this interrogation was over.

Joseph nods and takes a deep breath. “Ok, girl. Your mother and I talked and we have a little proposition for you. Now, listen carefully. First, we want to express to you that we strongly believe that you shouldn’t leave and go live in a foreign country somewhere, who knows where, on your own. Going by yourself, as a young naive girl, is very dangerous! You don’t know what kind of craziness is awaiting you out there! So we just want you to know that.”

I want to scream: “I am not a naive girl!!!” but I remain quiet because my mother’s sobs are back louder and louder. I wait for Joseph to calm her down.

Then he continues. “Ok. We also want you to know that we don’t agree with Peter and him leaving you here just like that. That boy is one selfish schmuck!” He shakes his head. 

“All that said…. we do realize that we will probably never talk you out of this silly, outrageous idea. So we decided that we will support you as best as we can…. I know a music school director in my district. It’s not in Presov or Kosice so you will have to commute about 40-45 minutes every day. But I think I can get you a job as a piano teacher. I already talked to her. They need a teacher to start right now and the pay is 5,000 Slovak crowns per month. It’s a full time position. So you can make the agency fee within 3 months.” He awaits my reaction. I am sure my eyes are wide because he chuckles and continues. “We cannot tell her that your intentions are to leave. You’d never get the job otherwise. Got it?” 

“Uhm-hm.” I nod.

“Ok, good. Your mother and I will pay for your driving course to make it a little easier on you. You can go ahead and sign up now. As you know, that will take at least two months to complete.”

I can’t believe my ears. “Really? Oh my gosh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” I actually didn’t expect this kind of support. I expected more resistance from both of them.

“Not so fast, girlie. That means you are not moving to Kosice with Eve. You live here with us until it’s time for you to go to the US.” He says firmly and my mother is nodding in agreement. I am not protesting either.

“Good, good, good,” he continues.  “I am glad we are all in agreement. I understand that you have to put together a portfolio as well. Your mother will help you with that. We will get some pictures together with your piano students once you start teaching again. Oh, and the pocket money. Well, we will cross that bridge once we get there. The exchange rate between a dollar and Slovak crown is unbelievably high.”

*************

I end up getting the piano teaching job in the music school. I am not happy about having to bother with more piano in my life but it’s only for three more months….I hope. I suppose I can suffer through it some more. It is for a good reason. I only have to teach in the afternoons, thankfully. I take a bus that is usually full of Romas (Gypsies), which doesn’t make me very comfortable. But soon I realize that there is another teacher at the school that I know from the Music Conservatory. He teaches guitar and happens to live on the same street as us. He has a car and commutes every day. I don’t tell Joseph or my mother about this but I ride to work with him every day. This makes my commute a little more pleasant and I save a little on the bus fare too. The only problem with this scenario is that my teacher companion is a Gypsy too.

Slovakia, among other Eastern European countries, has a large ‘Gypsy’ or Roma population. Romas are people of Indian descent. The general picture of them is that they are a “burden on our society,” which is something I hear all the time while growing up in Slovakia. They are outcasts, living in segregated, isolated communities. They are scapegoats and sadly, they are perceived and treated as such. They live in poverty and crime, which makes them a great target for discrimination and violence. They have lots and lots of children, in order to collect government benefits, they don’t work, they smell bad, and they are criminals. Every class in school has one or two Roma children. These children make bad grades and skip school. They are bullied. 

There are several towns and villages that have larger Roma populations and one of those towns is where I teach piano. I feel uneasy when I have to ride a bus to get to work. I am often the only non-Roma passenger. So when I have the opportunity to travel with Stephen, of course I take it! Stephen is a Gypsy too. But he is one of very few who broke the cycle of poverty and crime. He has a degree from the Music Conservatory and plays guitar. He has a job. He is smart. Yet…..he is a Gypsy. I don’t care. I like his company and I enjoy talking to him. I must be naive because I don’t see anything wrong with me being a friend with Stephen. 

During this time, I also sign up for a driving course. I study and pass the written portion of the test and then it’s time for me to learn how to drive. I schedule my first driving class and meet my instructor at a large parking lot. He is young, his name is Martin. He is visibly awkward around me which makes me feel awkward too. I assume most of his students are much older than me. Young Slovak people take buses or trains.

“Uhm,” he coughs, “why are you getting a driver’s license?”

“I need it to go to the US.” I answer plainly.

“Are you serious????” Martin’s eyes widen but then his face changes into a smirk. “You are joking, right? No one is going to America. It’s impossible,” he is laughing now. “There is no way you are going……also they don’t drive a stick shift there!”

“I am going to America!!! My boyfriend is studying there. I need to get a driver’s license. So can you teach me how to drive now?” I am being serious because I feel hurt by his dismissiveness. I can go to the US if I want to! People, watch me!

It turns out that Martin is actually a great person and I enjoy all of our driving lessons together. We become friends, we joke, and I learn how to drive. I don’t think I am a great driver, I lack a sense of direction and I tend to get lost wherever I go. 

************

“JARKA!” I hear Joseph’s voice as soon as I get home from my first driving lesson. “Girl, you come here right now!!!” He sounds upset and his voice is scary.

“Someone saw you with a Gypsy! This has to stop right now!”