33. Home alone

It’s Saturday morning. My first day with the family. I wake up late after a night of restless sleep in another new bed. It's almost noon. The house is quiet. So very quiet. Is anybody home? I lay in bed for another 30 minutes before I get the courage to get up. I slowly come out of my room. The house seems empty. No one around. The kids are gone, Julie and Dave are gone. Alice is gone. I can hear my own breath catching in this empty house. I decide to take a tour around. 

The mansion has 2 levels and a basement. I am staying in a guest room on the second floor but soon I will have to move into the basement after Alice’s year as an au pair ends next week. I remember she told me she stays with her boyfriend in New York on Saturdays and Sundays for now. So at least I know why Alice is not here. I walk through all the rooms upstairs. Kate, Lucy, and little Dave  have their own rooms. What a luxury! I am sure they don’t even realize how nice their life is. And they are quite messy too. I know it’s my responsibility to clean up their rooms so I pick up a few toys off the floor and throw their dirty clothes into the hamper. I'm supposed to do their laundry as well. But since Alice is still here for another week, I am not sure if I should be doing anything just yet. She explained to me that my responsibilities include making school lunches for all three kids. Then taking the girls to the bus stop to make sure they get on the bus. After that I have to drive little Dave to preschool, which is about 15 minutes away. When all the kids are in school or preschool, I have to come home and straighten the house, do laundry, and do whatever else needs to be done around the house. Then I have several hours to myself before I pick up the kids and take them to taekwondo, horseback riding lessons, and tutoring. 

I slowly go downstairs and walk through the huge kitchen and living room. At the end of the long hallway is a library. A beautiful room full of books. I sit down in the empty comfy chair by a huge window and a sun  beam coming through the window tickles my face. I enjoy this moment for several minutes but for whatever reason, suddenly a huge wave of anxiety overtakes me. I am in a foreign country, by myself. In someone’s house, on my own. I am alone. I cannot just relax here like this. I walk back to the kitchen as fast as I can and now I see a note on the counter that I missed before. The note that was probably scribbled in a hurry says, “We are in PA. Be back tomorrow evening.”

PA? What is PA? And they will be back tomorrow? So I am here alone for the weekend? Wait, I know they have family in Pennsylvania. Could PA mean Pennsylvania?

The phone on the wall next to me starts ringing and I get startled. I can’t answer this. I wouldn’t know how to speak. Especially not on the phone! I ignore it for now. I go down to the basement to check out Alice’s, soon to be my room. The basement is pretty dark because it has no windows. But there is a huge playroom and a computer room. When I see the computer, I get excited because Peter said he is going to email me. I sit in the office chair and turn the computer on. I find an AOL icon  and click on it. The computer starts buzzing and squeaking, making all kinds of weird noises, but finally connecting. There are two little windows that pop up on the screen. I am not sure what they say so I click “OK” on both. Then it finally lets me check my email. Nothing from Peter, sigh. During the day, I check my email about 5 more times, mostly because I am incredibly bored. Every time the two small annoying boxes pop up, I automatically  click “ok.” Still nothing from Peter. What a letdown. 

The play room has a TV and a stack of VHS tapes. Oh my gosh, Titanic!! I love Leonardo DiCaprio so I insert the movie tape into the VCR player and start watching the movie. I don’t understand everything the actors are saying but I am able to figure out what’s happening in the movie. I am glued to it for two and a half hours and I have a sense of accomplishment when I finish it. My first movie in English. I do hear the phone ringing in the distance upstairs every 10-15 minutes or so, but I don’t bother to get up to answer it. I am sure that whoever it is, they don’t want to talk to me.

But the phone keeps ringing even after the movie ends and it just won’t stop. I reluctantly pick it up. I don’t say anything. “Jarka! Hi! It’s Julie!”

Oh ok, it’s just Julie. “I’ve been trying to call you all morning. What have you been doing? Sleeping?”

“Yes,” I say because I don’t know what else to say. Sleeping is a word that I actually understand. Besides, back in Slovakia, my friends and I always used to joke that we were sleeping when we were bored. Slovakian expression among teenagers. 

“Oh ok,” she says slowly. “Just wanted to let you know that we are in Pennsylvania and we’ll be back tomorrow evening. There is food in the refrigerator.”

“Ok,” I manage.

After we hang up, I remember that Julie let me call my mom last night. And since she didn’t mind for me to make an international call then, I wonder if it would be ok for me to call my mother again. Just for a few minutes. Nah, I shouldn’t do it. It’s probably very expensive. Sigh….I miss my mom so much. I need to hear her voice. I bet if I talk to my mother for just 5 minutes, Julie won’t notice. I can’t help myself. My need to talk to my mother is stronger than any kind of reason. I dial the number and my mother answers right away. Her voice is soothing to my soul. I want to jump through the phone and see her for a minute, even a second would do. I push my longing thoughts away. I am determined to stay strong. I need to end the call after five minutes. But…. somehow the clock keeps ticking faster than usual and we have been talking for 20 minutes already. I have a lot to share.

“Ok mom, I have to go,” I say with reluctance. We’ve been talking for a long time  now! I don’t want to get in trouble!”

We hang up. Another sigh. She is so far away again. At least I could pretend she was here for a few minutes. Deep breath! I can do this. I realize I can go check my email again so I run downstairs to the computer. The dial up is slow. I click “Ok” on the two pop up windows. I login to my email. Nothing. No email from Peter. 

On Sunday, I do the same. I call my mother. I check my email to see if Peter had a chance to send anything. I walk through the house a few more times. For the rest of the time, I attempt to study English and memorize more words. By myself. Because I have no one to practice my English with. 

I can’t put a finger on it but throughout the entire weekend, I have this weird sinking feeling of intuition. Premonition perhaps. I can’t explain it.  I hope there is no trouble around the corner.