39. What now, homeless girl?

I throw all of my belongings into my suitcase. It’s not much so it doesn’t take a long time. Then I drag my stuff from the basement, up the stairs, all the way to the kitchen. Julie is impatiently waiting for me, car keys in her hand. Dave had already left for work and grandma is getting the kids ready for school. She is making their lunches, which was my responsibility up til this morning. 

“Let’s go,” Julie urges me in a rush. “I am taking time off work because of you”.

“Wait” I beg…”can I say goodbye to the kids?” 

She rolls her eyes but nods.

Kate runs to me, Lucy and little Dave right behind her. All three of them have tears in their eyes. “Please, don’t go,” little Dave is sobbing. “You have to take me to school!” He says in his sweet 5 year old voice.

I squat down to his level and give him a big hug. “I am so sorry, Dave. Grandma will take you today, ok? I will come see you soon, ok?” I lie and I can tell he knows it. He is a very perceptive little boy. It breaks my heart to leave him so upset. It shouldn't be this way. 

I sit down in the passenger seat in Julie’s car after I stuffed my suitcase into the trunk. She is silent. I don’t know what to say. What is there to say? She kicked me out. I should be grateful she is willing to give me a ride after all. The silence between us is awkward but I don’t care. I have so many things to worry about, including my survival in a foreign country. All she will have to do is to go back to her privileged life and forget about me. It takes 20 minutes to get to Claudia’s house. Julie stops the car, still doesn't look at me, and doesn’t move. I take this as a clue to get out.

“I will get my bags,” I mutter but I am met with no reaction. I manage to get my heavy suitcase out of the car, then come back to the front passenger door that I left open.

“Thank you for everything. Bye…..” I say, looking straight at her profile.

Nothing.

I wait a few more seconds and then shut the door.

As soon as the passenger door is closed, Julie puts the car in reverse and backs up as fast as she can. She speeds away without ever looking at me again. Without saying goodbye. She truly just dumped me here without any care for another human being. Did my offense justify her reaction? I can’t even answer this question at the moment. I don’t take the time to ponder this, even though I’d like to think that I would react differently if I was in Julie’s position. With more compassion, perhaps. But I am not her and this is what her decision is. To kick me out. I have to accept it and move on.

Claudia’s family welcomes me with open arms. In the evening, we all sit down for dinner, her host mother, host father, their kids, Claudia, and I. 

“Jarka, tell us what happened,” the host mother asks me with genuine concern. “Julie told me but I want to hear it from you.”

I finally have a chance to tell my side of the story and they patiently listen to me, nodding. I know that meeting with Clark wasn’t right, I know this! And I wish with all of my heart that I could take it all back. I own up to my mistakes and I am honest with all the events, recounting my story to these people.

“Jarka,” the host father responds first. “What you did is not good. I am sure you know this. But we are here to help you. We need to figure out what to do now. Have you called the agency?”

I called my area coordinator earlier today. It was the same lady that Julie talked to earlier as well. I explain what happened but unfortunately she is no help either. Not as hostile as Julie but equally unfriendly. Her words hit hard about the reality of my current situation.

“Your offense is very serious. I am afraid there is nothing I can do,” she tells me. 

“Where should I go then?” I ask her.

“I don’t know. If I tell the prospective families that you meet with married men, nobody will want to take you in. So I would rather not. You should probably just go home. Go back to Slovakia,” she elaborates.

“But I don’t have enough money for a plane ticket!” I protest. A plane ticket to Slovakia would cost me anywhere between $700-$800. With my unpaid Christmas vacation, the phone and internet bills taken out of my pay too, I have about $95 to my name right about now.

“Well, that is not my responsibility, I am sorry, the agency won’t pay for your travel home at this point. You have been let go by the family!” The agency worker informs me cruelly and hangs up.

“Yes, I called them,” I answer Claudia’s host father. 

“They told me to go back home but I don’t have enough money for a ticket,” I sigh.

“How much money do you have, Jarka? And is there anyone else you know that you could stay with? I wish we were in a position to keep you, but unfortunately you wouldn’t be able to stay here with us.” He is genuinely concerned. 

“Claudia mentioned that you have a boyfriend,” the host mother chimes in.

“Yes, but he lives in Georgia.” I had already thought of Peter, wondering if going to Georgia would be a possibility. 

“You know, a bus to Georgia may not be that expensive. You don’t have enough money to fly. Would you consider calling him and see if you could go there?” The mother asks me. She has warm eyes and a motherly expression on her face. I trust her. I trust this entire family. 

“I will call him right after dinner.” I promise.

I call Peter and explain my predicament to him. He is actually someone I cannot tell the real reason why I got kicked out. I cannot tell him about Clark! But I describe the incident I had with Kate jumping on the hood of my car and about Julie thinking I am not the right fit for the family. I tell him about my au pair agency abandoning me too. He hangs up to ask Tim and Silvia if they would be open to taking me in. He puts in a good word to them about me and they had already met me over the holidays just a few weeks ago anyway. He calls me back soon after, with the green light to come. I can stay with them. That means I could see Peter more often too!

Claudia’s host father calls the Greyhound office and books a ticket for me for the next day. I would be leaving early in the morning from Newark. It costs $65 and thankfully I have enough money to give him. I now have $30 left for emergencies. Phew. Ok. Maybe I will make it. I make one more phone call that evening. I call Clark.

“Hi, Clark,” I say quietly.

“Oh my goodness, hi, Jarka! Where have you been?” He nearly screams into the phone. “I was so worried something happened to you. The way she looked at you was scary,” he is clearly referring to Julie and I am nodding on the other side of the line, even though he can’t see me.

“Yes, it was not good. She kicked me out of the house. I am at Claudia’s and going to Georgia tomorrow.”“Oh no, Jarka, that is terrible.” He responds with sadness. I tell him the rest of the story and only hear deep breaths and sighs on the other side.

“I would have helped you to find a family, Jarka. You should have asked me for help!” But I know that I need to erase him from my mind completely. Surprisingly, I am at peace with it all because I have my survival in a foreign country to think about. 

I guess I am going to Georgia! And with that, I settle down for my last night in New Jersey. 

People come and go……in and out of your life. 

Clark is now on the way out of mine. Without even knowing, he changed its course and took it onto a new, unpredictable path.