29. December 7, 1998...Goodbye Slovakia...forever?

I wake up and within a millisecond I realize what today is. I can’t believe it. Today is the day.

New beginning. New life. It’s the day when everything changes. 

I jump out of bed, then look back at it and I know I will not sleep in this bed anymore. I don’t know what bed I will sleep in from now on…..

My mother and Joseph are already up, eating breakfast. 

“We’d better leave soon,” Joseph says, chewing a piece of bread. “It's supposed to snow. We don’t want to get stuck.”

My mother is nodding, it seems her eyes are permanently red and swollen now.

Joseph and my mother are driving me to Budapest. My first flight is leaving before lunch. It is about a 3 hour drive to Budapest from Presov, Slovakia. We need to get going.

It is also my brother’s birthday. He is turning 15 today. He is still sleeping. He opts to take a day off from school and not accompany me to the airport. He also decides to stay in his room and not come out at all. I am sad but I respect his decision. I will miss my little brother.

“Do you have your passport, Jarka?” My mother asks me for the hundredth time. “Also, don’t forget your money!”

Somehow we all put together 5,000 Slovak crowns to exchange for $100 in cash so I don’t have to go empty handed. I don’t think $100 is much but it’s better than nothing. It is my entire months’ pay in Slovakia. But I am not quite sure how much I can buy for $100 in America. I clutch the money in my hand and then stuff it into my jean pocket. I can’t lose it no matter what.

**********

This is going to be my first flight ever. The planes look gigantic and fascinate me. I am staring at one of them through the airport glass. A few more minutes and I can board. I give my mother a final hug, then I hug Joseph. I start walking away and I see my mother breaking down, falling apart. She hides her face in Joseph’s chest and lets the sobs overtake her. He is holding her in his protective hug, calming her down. I wave at them. The picture of them standing in a distance, hunched over, and broken will forever stay in my mind. I don’t cry. Because I am on my own now. From this second forward, I have myself to depend on. No one else.

My plane from Budapest to Amsterdam is delayed. It must be the bad weather in this part of Europe. I literally have minutes to catch another plane in Amsterdam and I run through the entire airport as fast as I can. I can’t miss this plane. Somehow I find the correct gate, even though now everything is in English. I get to the counter, all out of breath. I  show the stewardess my ticket. She says something and waves me through. Whew. I made it. 

This is a long flight. 9 hours. We will fly overnight and into tomorrow but somehow we will still get to New York in the evening of the same day. I can’t do the time zone math so I don’t bother to figure it out.

I love the huge jet. The seats are comfy and there are not many people traveling today. I get a whole row of seats to myself. I lay down and try to sleep. My mind is blank. I can’t and don’t want to think about anything. 

I don’t know why but this flight is also late. We are about 2 hours behind schedule. I am worried. I don’t know who is supposed to be waiting for me at JFK. Wait…is anyone going to be waiting for me at all? I don’t think the agency lady told me! I don’t know what time it is. The time difference messed everything up. I am exhausted. I am tired. I have been traveling for hours, I don't even know how many.

*********

Oh my goodness. I am in America. I exit the plane and follow all of the passengers until they disperse in their own ways. I go through customs, I get my bag. Then I stop. Now what? I stand there, alone, my suitcase and backpack sitting right next to my feet. I keep checking my pocket to make sure my $100 is still there. Every time I feel the money in my hand, I feel a little bit safer. People are walking by in a hurry. People stand in groups and talk. People greet each other. There is no one here holding a sign with my name on it. So I stand there and wait a little while longer. Since my flight was late, they must have left. Maybe they thought I wasn’t coming after all?

Half an hour goes by…..45 minutes go by. I am not nervous or anxious. I don’t feel any fear. But soon I may have to figure out what to do. I can ask people for help, I can try to take a cab to a hotel. I start constructing an English sentence in my mind. “Me au-pair, ride…hotel?” 

Hmm, that’s not right. “You help au-pair, how much ride to hotel?”

Wait, how much would a ride to a hotel be, anyway? Do I have enough money? Maybe I should walk instead. Oh, do I have enough cash for a room when I get there? I don’t know! I don’t know anything. Ok, ok, ok, Jarka, stop….breathe….think! No panic, ok? I can do this. I will figure it out. I am not a loser. I AM NOT! 

Ugh….is my money still in my pocket? Whew, ok. It’s still there. 

I jump up when a young woman approaches me. “Au-pair Jaaaa…rika?” She looks friendly and sweet and there is a young man with her. I saw them standing close by for a while but I didn’t realize they were from the agency. 

“Yes,” I nod. “Jarka.” I say my name correctly. She smiles, she understands she said it wrong.

“Welcome to America, Jarka!” The girl is beaming at me and then motions with her hand for me to follow her.

I breathe a sigh of relief. I pick up my suitcase and I walk behind these strangers out of the airport.

I step out the door….into the cold New York night.